end of 2010.

2010 was indeed quite a year for me. The year of Ups and Downs. Made decisions, some good, some hasty, some outright dumb. but altogether came together for the good of my character. Had my fair share of laughter and fun; but the sadness and brokeness during the darkest times were there as well. And I thank God for being faithful even when I failed him so many times.
I had many opportunities this year. God brought in many new people in my life that impacted me in many ways. Been to MIP and mission trip where God first dealt with my character, and on thru to the start of school when it was a further breaking down of my reliance on what I could do; both for God and for myself. I went from a mountain top experience, to the deepest valley i ever imagined I'd ever been to. My trust, my entire belief in God was called into question. Could I still say I will trust in Him? The apparent lack of fruit in many areas of my life seemed to weigh my entire self down. So I fought, I ran, I tried. But it didn't happen. But it was exactly this that God wanted me to go thru, the breaking point which I say that I really want to give it all up; that God begins his work in my life and character.
My trust in what I can do begun to fade, my heart for people around me grew as I learnt that it is never ever about what I do or what I built. But it's about the Cross and the grace of Christ. The varsity camp was refreshing as it brought me back to the promises God gave to me; both as a younger Christian until today. I had to deal with my past disappointments, hurts that were unresolved. And how God brought Shaun Foo in to the retreat amazed me, like how I will always happen to bump into him in Hall 4, and how John Huang was contemplating about the weirdness about bringing an already Christian into the retreat. I never thought I would be able to bless and walk thru with somebody the exact same path I had to go thru at the beginning of the year, but I did. And it's God's way of saying He's still in control! And what a timely reminder for the close of 2010.
2011 will be exciting. Because it's a new man facing the new year. :)

Cabatuan.

The mission trip was very different from what I expected it to be, but God's hands was still behind it all nontheless. There was no great crusades, no ten thousand salvations, no great miracles and healings. But God still moved in a different way. It was alot of ministering to the Christians, waiting upon God, knowing their struggles, praying for the dry land. Yes there were salvations. But salvations are not all that actually mattered.
There were times when I felt I hadn't gave my best, yet it was those times that God pushed me to keep going all out and do it. It's the 'just whack' attitude that God has been challenging my heart.
Alot happened, from being treated like korean celebs at a highschool to ministering to people, to ensuring Boon doesnt overspent shopping(hahah). But I'll just write 5 things or incidents that spoke to me.

1) Del Gado (apologies if i spell it wrongly)
The slums really struck me. We Singaporeans have so much and we are still complaining. It really is true, you'll never fully comprehend what you see on TV until you see it in real life. Heaps of rubbish beneath the houses, dog faeces all over, swarms of houseflies. God forgive our complaining spirits. We really have too much.



2) Fellowship with the Christians/ Praying with them.
The leaders and the youths of the Harvester Churches have been a blessing to us all. Sharing with them about reaching out to their friends really edified me. Bro Ronnie greatly encouraged me about always remembering God, and how he wanted his son to become a missionary. It was really uplifting talking and fellowshipping with them.

3) The faces of the Cabatuananons.
So many, So broken. It really sums it up. From the teenagers chilling out at the Plaza after school, to the tricycle drivers taking a puff. They are so lost. Will anyone talk to them, share with them, show them the way?




4) Praying for the land.
The night of prayer for the city of Cabatuan really hit my core being. I remembered just kneeling down at the plaza to pray, there were teenagers laughing at us. But I prayed anyway. It is but the greatest of what little I can do for a muncipality like Cabatuan, kneeling and praying. I told God I couldn't do anything, so he had to do something. And I know God hears.

5) The hand of God.
It was really interesting to see God's hand with us and in an unexpected way. There wasn't multitudes saved, nor great healings. But was God there? Not one doubt. He was working in us and thru us, the leaders of the Church and all. From the Mayor's blessings, to the police escorts, God has been, and will continue to be the divine co-ordinator.

So my life mission starts now. What will I do after the trip? Will I let the comfort of Singapore soak thru me or will I keep on going? Will my fears keep me down? Will I go back to my old self? Woe to me if I remain the same.

MIP and stuff.

I send off the first group of Missions Intensive Participants off at the airport today! I'm pretty sure they'll have an awesome experience in Bicol!

The week break ahead before I head to Philippines means that I have some time to gather my thoughts and prepare myself for the trip. I guess God's done alot of work in our lives last week throughout the stay-in phase. I came into MIP rather distracted, so there was alot of breaking needed to be done. I received the most from Sister Carrie, though personally feeling she was not an interesting preacher, but God used the most uninteresting things to speak and move my heart.
It was alot of laying down and sacrificing of my heart for God. Anything that reduces my zeal and passion for God and his heartbeat had to be surrendered. It was a tough process and it was a struggle. But God did some amazing things as I began to trust him for more.
The end of the stay-in phase its only the beginning and I know there'll be more. And I trust that God will continue to speak to me in the trip next week.

Until then, I'll keep surrendering.

will you?

Will you go on your knees to pray if no one prays?
Will you do hard things for me, if everybody takes the easy way out?
Will you believe in revivals, if no one believes in it anymore?
Will you be a David, and stand for the truth simply because Goliath 'defiles the armies of God', or will you just let your fear keep you rooted?



Help me God.

Deciding decisions.

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or, are we caught in the middle?
Are we caught in the middle?

Casting Crowns


Some stuff are downright difficult to do. Difficult because you know you're going against the very grain of how you are wired to be, and you have to make painful sacrifices for the work of God to be done. These are things that are not bad, but things that must be gotten rid of in order for the greater will of God to be fufilled in your life. It could be anything, a relationship, a hobby, a pasttime. You will not burn if you do not give it up for God, but you'll just not have the fufillment of giving it all to him. I don't know if this makes sense you, but yeah, it's been God's prompting in my heart to give him my best and nothing else.





Let's make hard decisions!

life.

I'm really thankful for God for the people He placed around me, my cell group, the varsity ministry.

I remember the day I questioned God if I made the right decision because I fell so badly. I believe many of my friends who faced the division are still unable to get past that issue, whether they admit it or not. I am extremely fortunate that I have long moved on, and growing. The only way is to take the risk to be vulnerable to others and expose the old wounds. Today I can say boldly that God had a plan for me back then when everything was crumbling, and I now see His work done in my life.

Little did I expect to rebuild relationships that quickly, to experience both growth and healing, and have that support and friendship within such short span of time. God's really really been good. And I'm looking forward to much more to come, churchcamp, missions, school etc. Those still struggling with even the slightest hint of injury due to division, please, move on quickly cos greater things are still to be done. Do not linger in the past so that God cannot use you in the present!

still to be done.

You're the God of this city
You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of these nation
You are

You're the light in this darkness
You're the hope to the hopeless
You're the peace to the restless
You are

There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God

For greater things
Have yet to come
And greater things
Are still to be done in this city

For greater things
Have yet to come
And greater things
Are still to be done here

Job 13:15
God might kill me, but I have no other hope. I am going to argue my case with him.(NLT)

My memory verse for the next few months. I'm grateful for my friend Galven for his really edifying 21st birthday celebration. I mean, who would invite Christians-only to his birthday party with the sole purpose of stirring up a spark for revival? Only him I guess.
But it was really not a crazy religionist biased 21st, not a 'holy joe' club as the joker would say. Two things he said caught me. First, was an unoriginal phrase that 'Church works on Sundays, the work of the church begans from Mondays to Saturdays'. Oh how we neglect the importance of the week! Secondly, was his testimony of how he attended zillions of Spirit-awakening conferences, but the one that changed his life around was the one he went back to say 'This fire has to go on'. I was thankful I went, someone losing hope like me.

Hope is rising like the sun.

hope for me yet.

I never really was that good in school;
Talked too much, broke the rules
My teachers thought I was a hopeless fool, all right.
I don't know how but I made it through,
It's one of those things you gotta do
I always had a knack for telling the truth.

There is hope, for me yet,
Because God won't forget,
All the plans He's made for me
I have to wait and see,
He's not finished with me yet,
He's not finished with me yet

Still wonderin' why I'm here.
Still wrestling with my fear
But oh... He's up to something,
And the farther out I go,
I've seen enough to know
That I'm not here for nothin'...
He's up to somethin'.

So now's my time to be a man,
Follow my heart as far as I can
No tellin' where I'm ending up tonight
I never slow down (or so it seems),
But singing my heart is one of my dreams
All I gotta do is hold on tight.

There is hope, for me yet,
Because God won't forget,
All the plans He's made for me
I have to wait and see,
He's not finished with me yet,
He's not finished with me yet
He's not finished with me yet,
He's not finished with me yet

God, teach me to trust You
Teach me to follow You
Teach me about You
God, bless us
God, lead us

This song by Brandon Heath basically sums all the feelings inside.

If we want to maintain personal intimacy in Jesus, it will mean refusing to do or even THINK certain things. And some things that are acceptable for others will become unacceptable for us.

Oswald Chambers

treading on thin lines.

Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed, lest he falls.

1 Corinthians 10:12

Sin.

Whatever weakens your reason, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, or takes off the relish of spiritual things; in short, whatever increases your strength and authority of your body over your own mind, that thing is sin to you, however innocent it may be in itself.

John Wesley's Mom,

on 'What is Sin'.

it's what you do with this freedom.

12 March came and went. Two years of my life given to the SAF, now it comes back. Freedom is a huge responsibilty. Kenny Luck, in his book Every Man's Battle, once said 'there is no such thing as freedom without responsibilty'. Harsh words for the free man.

I spent the last week asking questions, about my life, about my faith, about sacrifices, about my school later. I was in doubt. I couldn't make sense of what God was doing in my life. I could, like many other young, crazy dudes, go forth and live 'life to the fullest', having being set free from the chains of the army. Except one thing. Except my life, as I eventually realised, is not mine. I will be forever indebted to the cross, to the grace of God, without which I would not have a life to live by. My life, henceforth, is but an imperfect offering to honour that sacrifice.

Freedom is a huge responsibilty. It's a responsibility to remember that your life do not belong to you. It's His.